


Alien Ritual #2,437, But Who's Counting

by Cyanne



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-02
Updated: 2011-07-02
Packaged: 2017-10-20 22:45:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/217913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyanne/pseuds/Cyanne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pretty much what the title says.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alien Ritual #2,437, But Who's Counting

PY4-358 was wet, cold, and miserable and the nearest village was a four and a half mile hike from the gate. Rodney had made it all of 50 feet before the complaints started. After their most recent attempt at modifying a jumper to increase the engine power had ended with explosions and the discovery of a heretofore unknown automatic fire suppression system, Elizabeth had banned them both from the jumper bay, and Rodney was still blaming John.

Usually a comfort, Sheppard's P-90 weighed heavily around his neck. He had gotten very little sleep the night before, he knew they'd be apologizing to Elizabeth for the next week, and if Rodney didn't shut up he was going to kill him. Slowly and with great joy.

He tuned back in just in time to hear,"... because certain flyboys don't comprehend that don't touch means don't touch."

"And you grew a third hand when exactly? You were gonna drop that casing and everything in it if I hadn't supported it from underneath."

"You're the pilot, you fly. Leave the engineering to the experts."

Teyla and Ronon had dropped back even further behind them, probably not wanting to be seen with their teammates. If John turned around, he knew he'd catch them laughing.

"As I recall, I wasn't even in the room when the 'experts' blew up my jumper and..."

"Your jumper," Rodney interrupted to protest. "Your jumper? If it's your jumper, then it's your fault we're taking this lovely walk right now. Are we anywhere near civilization yet, and I use that word in the loosest possible way, or are we taking the scenic route because you're lost? Again."

"I swear McKay, ask me if we're there yet one more time and I will leave you right here. And yes, we're headed in the right direction and going the most direct route." He readjusted his P-90 once again and quickened his pace to move ahead of Rodney as if making good on his threat. He'd never really leave the other man behind, but it couldn't hurt to make him sweat it out a bit.

"If by there you mean the village of Pey'elia then yes, you have indeed arrived."

Startled by the deep voice, John looked up to see an older man with coppery skin dressed in homespun clothing standing on the dirt road before him. Behind the man, John could see the outline of buildings in the soft haze that seemed to cover the planet. From here, Pey'elia didn't look like a large settlement and he had no way of discerning the level of technology they possessed, although he was sure Rodney would let him know soon enough.

"I greet you in peace," the man stated calmly. "It is our hope that your people and mine will be able to enter into a long and fruitful partnership. But I must tell you that we cannot negotiate with those who harbor discord in their own house."

John wasn't quite sure what that meant, but he was pretty sure it wasn't good. Putting on his best 'you can trust us' smile, he made the standard introductions of his team and echoed the sentiments about trading. He carefully ignored the comment about discord in the hopes that was just a formality that could be overlooked, although that probably had about as much chance of happening as the Wraith embracing vegetarianism or Elizabeth letting him fly again anytime soon.

"You are the leader of this group?" the elder, who had introduced himself as Ma'hw  
of the House Stover, asked John.

"Yes, but Teyla is our primary negotiator." Sheppard had learned quickly that the odds of the mission succeeding went up drastically if that fact was established early on.

Ma'hw bowed in her direction. "And we look forward to conferring with you. But this situation between your two companions must be rectified first."

John took an automatic step in front of Rodney and felt Teyla and Ronon closing ranks around them both. He would never stop being proud of how well the four of them worked together, even if there were days where he could cheerfully murder McKay himself.

"And you are under his command?" This was directed at Rodney, who bristled and opened his mouth to protest. Laying a cautionary hand on Rodney's arm, John beat him to it.

"In the field, I am his commanding officer but Dr. McKay is a valued scientist and an important part of our team." He smiled at Rodney's indrawn gasp of breath at the probably completely unexpected praise. Nice to know he could still take him by surprise on occasion.

Ma'hw inclined his head. "Still, this rift must be mended. Dr. McKay must show his respect and deference to you, Colonel Sheppard, and you, your responsibility and caring for him."

"I'm sorry, but I still don't understand." John was pretty sure he didn't want to, either.

"It's going to be a sex thing." Rodney said, none too quietly.

"Rodney," John growled under his breath. But he wouldn't be the least bit surprised if McKay was right, it was just that kind of day. Week. It might not be so bad though. Maybe they wouldn't have to fuck-- Rodney could suck him and if they both came that would hopefully satisfy the requirements of this particular world. But the elder was still speaking.

"The participants must be facing one another and there must be joining of the lips as well as the sharing of seed."

"So much for getting out of this with a blow job," Rodney said, sarcastically. Somehow, the fact that they were on the same wavelength with this was less disturbing than John would have thought. Rodney's next words confirmed it. "You have to fuck me and we both have to come."

"I would not have put it in quite so crude terms, but essentially, yes." Ma'hw said seriously. If he had been laughing John would have had to hurt him. This was going to be bad enough without them becoming sitcom characters.

He turned to their resident expert. "Teyla, do you know anything about this?"

"It is an old ritual, not often enforced but not unheard of either. You may decline without the fear of bloodshed, however, that would end any possibility of a trade or any other type of alliance between our peoples."

Which was polite Teylaese for "you two got yourself into this and you get to explain it to Elizabeth if you don't fix it."

With a sigh, John handed off his weapons to Teyla and watched as Rodney did the same to Ronon with the warning, "Drop that laptop and be prepared to die a fiery death." Ronon just laughed and Rodney glared at him. "I mean it. I know how to make Atlantis do tricks you couldn't even imagine. Things involving flames and your favorite gym."

"Hey, knock it off you guys," John warned them. There was no way on this or any other planet he was going to watch as Rodney and Ronon "mended their rift." Having to perform this, whatever it was, with Rodney was bad enough.

"Have you sufficiently prepared yourselves for the ritual," Ma'hw asked, still completely solemn. John doubted he'd ever laughed in his entire life and wondered if it was just him or a trait endemic to the Pey'elians. Resisting the urge to shake his head, lest that be taken the wrong way and be the cause of yet another offense, John turned for his first real look at Rodney since before they'd encountered Ma'hw. He tried to silently ask if this was going to be okay, and he must have gotten the question across because Rodney nodded at him.

"I think we're about as ready as we're going to get," John said. He couldn't bring himself to ask about lube, trusting that any culture that had established sex rituals and didn't seem to find two people of the same sex participating to be unusual must know what was needed. He hoped. He still wasn't going to ask.

"Um, we don't have to do this in public, do we?" Rodney asked, shyer than John had ever heard him and John couldn't help moving a bit closer to him. He'd give almost anything not to have to put Rodney through this.

"The community may witness if you so desire, " Ma'hw offered. John wasn't sure which of them answered in the negative the loudest but that still didn't break Ma'hw's calm demeanor. "In that case, I am pleased to serve as the official verifier."

John hadn't allowed himself to hope that they would be able to do this in private, so he wasn't too disappointed. Three years in the Pegasus Galaxy had taught him that it could always be worse. And wow, wasn't that saying something? Actually, the fact that he and Rodney only had to have sex in front of one witness instead of a tribe was almost acceptable. Almost.

The elder led them to a small stone building. There was a bed of what looked to be thick soft furs near a fireplace and Ma'hw took up a spot in a corner of the room on another pile of furs. John was glad both for the warmth, it was one less thing for McKay to complain about, and that their observer was lost in the shadows. This was going to be embarrassing enough.

They stood looking at each other in the center of the room for several long minutes, then Rodney surprised John by taking his hand.

"Hey," he said quietly, "it's going to be okay." John barely had time to nod in agreement when Rodney pulled him in for a kiss that started out soft and quickly became heated. Taking advantage of the distraction, John reached out to grasp the hem of Rodney's shirt and, as soon as the kiss broke, pulled it over Rodney's head. Then he kissed him again, just because he could.

John's happy exploration of Rodney's naked chest was interrupted when Rodney reached across with the obvious intention of taking John's shirt off. The action brought commentary from the peanut gallery. John had almost managed to put their observer out of his mind the man spoke up and he held back the urge to sigh.

"Only Dr. McKay needs to completely disrobe to complete the ritual, you do not."

John looked at Rodney, and he could imagine how well that would go over. "Yeah, well, it's only fair," he said.

"Damn right," Rodney agreed. "Come here," he said fondly, and finished stripping John of the rest of his clothes, his hands lingering on the curve of John's ass.

"I'd switch places with you if I could," John told him.

"I know. I'll be okay. I trust you."

John took a long moment to enjoy the feel of Rodney's naked chest against his own, then gently eased him onto the furs. Kissing him again and again, he slowly started to move his mouth over Rodney's body, licking his neck and loving each nipple on the way down. He slid Rodney's pants and boxers off in one move and ran his hands back up the strong, muscular legs before covering Rodney's body with his own.

In the back of his mind he was aware of the silence from the corner. He was surprised Ma'hw wasn't trying to direct them or hurry things along. Not that it would matter, he'd be damned if he was going to rush if there was a chance of making this good for his friend.

"Do you want to ride me? You can control it that way." Having failed to get them out of this situation, the least he could do would be to make it as easy on McKay as he could. John couldn't tell if it was to ground Rodney or himself but he couldn't seem to stop touching him, idly thumbing a nipple and running a hand down his side, only to move back up again and stroke across the broad chest.

"Very tempting, Colonel" Rodney said with a smile as he arched into John's touch, "but with our luck he'll decide that's not submissive enough. Looks like you get to keep me on my back." Rodney grabbed one of the many fluffy pillows scattered over the bed and floor and propped himself up.

"Do you see any..." John didn't get a chance to finish the question before Rodney reached down beside the bed and came up with a small clear glass bottle of what had to be lube. Sitting up but still straddling Rodney, John removed the stopper and poured some of the thick liquid into his hand to warm it.

"You're in luck, it smells like strawberries," John told him. It was a pretty strong scent, too.

"And my ass smelling like strawberries is a good thing because..."

"Be glad it's not oranges."

"There's that," Rodney agreed.

"Ready?" John asked.

"Yeah." And damn him, Rodney even sounded sure.

"Really?"

"Yes, John, just do it would you." But Rodney was smiling when he said it, so John teased back.

"Such a romantic."

John tried to be slow and careful as he could, ignoring his own erection in the process. He had always subscribed to the theory that there was no such thing as too much lube and he made sure he had plenty on his fingers before carefully penetrating Rodney with one and then two. He wanted to concentrate only on the man underneath him, but he was very much aware of the watcher in the room and of their friends waiting on the outside. He pushed away the thought that the entire village had to know what they were doing in here as he concentrated on trying to bring pleasure to his lover.

"I'm not exactly," Rodney gritted out, in between a long exhale of breath and a gulp of air, "a virgin you know."

"Really," John said, raising his eyebrows and then bending back down to his task of opening him with one hand while stroking Rodney's, thankfully hard, cock with the other.

"Yes, really," Rodney smirked and John really was doing this wrong if the Rodney still had that much control. But he still couldn't help being concerned that he was causing him pain.

"Rodney, you have to believe that I'd never want to hurt you."

"You aren't." Rodney looked John in the eyes as he said it and John knew it was the truth. "Actually, um... yeah... that feels pretty good."

"Can you come," John asked, still worried. John wasn't positive he was going to be able to himself with an audience, especially if Rodney couldn't get into it. If John couldn't make this work for him, god, if he wound up actually raping McKay there'd be no way he'd be able come himself.

"Make me," Rodney challenged with a wicked grin and John had to lean down and claim his mouth again. He looked amazing in the firelight, sweat glistening on his skin, moving eagerly now on John's fingers.

John had always loved the act of penetration from both sides, the feeling of being breached and filled or the sensation of pushing through the barrier and joining his body with his partner's. He could make love with someone for hours and it would still be over too soon, trying desperately to hold onto a fleeting connection, the sense that he wasn't alone in it all, the ability to get lost in the sheer bliss building up to orgasm and then finally going over the edge. Even though the circumstances were less than ideal, he was planning to enjoy this chance to experience at least some of that with Rodney.

John reluctantly pulled his fingers free with a rueful smile, "Think you're ready." Both he and Rodney reached for the lube at the same time, and John let him have it. Rodney took John's cock in both hands and ensured he was very slippery and very hard by time he finished stroking him. He knew it was another way for Rodney to let John know he trusted him.

If his partner didn't object he would pull all the way out and push back in over and over, going slightly deeper each time until he was fully sheathed. As much as he would love to take Rodney like that, it wasn't something he was willing to perform in front of an audience and he was also afraid it would be too much for Rodney now. Instead he pushed into Rodney slowly but steadily, and was rewarded by feeling Rodney's body relax and take him in.

"Okay?" he whispered, almost afraid to ask.

"Yeah, " Rodney panted, "it's... it's good, you can move."

John leaned down again to kiss Rodney at the same time he started to thrust. He intended to take full advantage of the "joining of the lips" requirement; tasting his fill of Rodney and feeling him take just as much in return. The position had him bent almost in half, but it was worth it and on some of the strokes he could feel Rodney's hard cock underneath him as it jerked against his stomach.

John knew the longer it took the sorer Rodney was going to be, so he straightened up and moved Rodney closer to him, allowing him to get a little bit deeper and eliciting a moan that he hoped was one of pleasure.

"Yeah, right there," Rodney ground out, putting one hand on his cock. John covered it with his own and they found a rhythm together.

"Come on Rodney, god you look so hot like that, feels so good being inside you. Come on, come for me. Wanna feel you." Together they stroked Rodney to completion, the feel of Rodney's body tightening around him in orgasm enough to tip John over as well.

John collapsed on top of him and felt Rodney's arms pulling him even closer. They held onto each other for a few minutes until Rodney gently pushed him away. "Heavy."

"You should talk," John teased. They were almost through this but there was one more thing left to do. He knew this was going to hurt Rodney; there was no way around it. Kissing Rodney and grasping his shoulder as hard as he could to distract him, he pulled out of Rodney's body as quickly and cleanly as he could. Even with all that, he still felt Rodney's gasp under his lips.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you okay?"

"Yeah, 'm fine."

"You're never fine. Don't lie to me, " John ordered, probably a little harsher than he should have but he was still worried.

"Okay, fine," and at least Rodney had the grace to be wince slightly in shame at the use of the word. "Shit, John, I'm sore as hell but it's the good kind of sore and it was completely, totally worth it, okay."

"I must say with the way you were interacting earlier I did not expect such tenderness between you," Ma'hw observed from his perch in the corner of the room. John had somehow managed to forget that the man was even there.

It was Rodney who answered him. "We're just full of surprises," he said, grinning at John who smiled back and leaned down to kiss him with intent just because he could.

Kissing Rodney gently one last time, John helped him up and wrapped him in one of the soft blue blankets from the bedding.

"I can see that," Ma'hw said, dryly. Apparently nothing really did faze the man. "I will now leave you to become presentable again and then we may commence with negotiations, after our meal of course." He left as Rodney was pulling the blanket around John to encompass them both.

Brightening at the prospect of food, Rodney said happily, "I hope it's a feast. Sex always makes me hungry."

Rubbing his hands up and down his lover's back John said, "Trust me, I know all about you and your ravenous appetites." The first time they'd had sex Rodney had cleaned out John's stash of Hershey bars and he'd quickly learned to store snacks in the bedside table along with the lube.

Rodney stretched in John's arms. "Remind me never to let you fuck me through the mattress the night before a mission again."

"God, Rodney, I..."

"I swear if you apologize one more time, you're sleeping on the floor for a week. This. Was. Not. Your. Fault." Rodney was poking his finger into John's chest to punctuate every word. "It's not your fault the crazy aliens mistook our normal method of communication for fighting. It's not your fault they made us have sex with a witness. And it's not your fault that you did exactly what I wanted you to do to me last night."

Rodney's voice grew softer. "I've never come just from being fucked before. Last night was incredibly good. I want to do that again. I wouldn't mind doing this again." Being Rodney, he got louder again, "Well, the part with the furs and the fire and you on top of me, I mean, not the audience in the corner and the crazy natives and their weird ideas of trade negotiations. And I figure since I've been on the bottom the past two times, this last time under duress mind you, that means I get you at least the next four."

"Four?" John mock protested. "Now who's coming up with arbitrary numbers? Alien rituals do not mean that you get to change the parameters of our relationship by a factor of two."

"Possibly six, depending on how guilty you're feeling," Rodney told him.

"Keep your voice down, or we're going to wind up having to do this all over again. And I don't know about you, but I couldn't get it up again to save my life. Or yours, " John said, unable to hold back the anger in his voice. No matter what Rodney said, he was the team leader and this was his responsibility.

"Hey," Rodney said, putting his hand under John's chin and tilting his head up. "You did good. Nobody got hurt, we're getting fed, and with any luck we'll get a trade deal out of all this. Although I'm not holding my breath that it will include coffee-like substances. And I don't really care who's on top, as long as we do it again and often. Just not in the very near future."

John smiled at that and they shared one more sweet kiss before gathering their clothes and getting ready to face the world again.

**Author's Note:**

> A million thanks to Neevebrody and Velocitygrass for being such wonderful betas. They made great suggestions and caught some truly bad errors. Any remaining weirdness is completely my own.


End file.
